Circle in The Square gave me a new freedom about myself. It gave me the ability to express myself in the truest way possible. It grounded me. That is such an ethereal term with such ambiguous meaning, but when you get it... you get it. It's a powerful thing to be able to tune into your senses more and more. It is all apart of my process, and we all have our own process. I learned so much about myself. More than that I have been able to take myself into audition rooms and really be present inside them. I have had great feedback so far from the directors within the room, and I really couldn't ask for more.
I had a breakdown last week. I felt like a failure, and I felt so unsuccessful. I have great friends though and great family who really reminded me I have only been auditioning for 2 weeks now and I have yet to begin in the long haul of this business. I just wanted to be clear and say the worry, doubt, frustration is all within me and present. I know it and I know how to access it, but I also know how to use it for motivation. I refuse to sit on those feelings and lament over my situation. I will pick myself up and really make something out of this whole journey I have been given.
It is hard to believe it has been almost 3 months since I last blogged. I have been writing so much, just not for a public venue. Writing for myself is something I hadn't done in so long, and when I did it was in a broken form, without logical thought processes. Circle in The Square's program really gave me that freedom to open myself and allow myself to use my writing as almost breathing. It allows for me to get out all of the bad and good thoughts and leaves me vulnerable for the rest of the day.
The classes there really were life changing. I wish I had been able to accomplish getting into the 2 year program, but I know that it is the universe's guidance. I found that I really have to trust the forces at be, and to live within the process. I am enjoying so much more now than I was before in looking for a result. I think there is so much freedom looking through the process, the journey. I am living in the questions.
Anyway I am feeling good about my place here. I am looking for jobs diligently, auditioning steadily for everything I can get my hands on, and I am open and accepting of whatever comes my way. I have confidence in myself, more so than before. I have more confidence and trust that I am where I should be. I am open, I am available, I am present, I ready. And if I falter, I falter, but I promise to work on it.
Here is to blogging again! I will be sure to keep anyone who still reads this posted as to anything that comes my way. I am expecting some things soon, but we I have the final word I will post!
Anyway here is to living the questions, living in the process and to what is to come in the future!
And here is a great video from an adorable girl, Julia Nunes playing the end of the Beatles' "Abbey Road" with her dad. Enjoy!
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